This was a 'secret blog'. I say was because I gave Leslie the url for it, then Nyssa tells me she found it and added me...sneaky Nyssa.
But there was something nice about having a secret blog. I mean I have a journal but with the amount of time I spend online and on my computer this seems to work a little bit better. I used to have blogs that only certain people could read. It was good too, I could get everything I wanted to say out without having to say it which was conveniant. But you know what...if I need to say something I can't just indirectly tell them. This won't be a scavenger hunt for my thoughts.
That said...
I'm moving in a month exactly. I've lived far away from my parents in residence, at camp. I'm not living far away, but my mom said the other day that I could take my bed from home in Oakville. That means when I go home I won't be sleeping in MY bed. I'll sleep in the guest bedroom. It's that step that you go through when you become a guest in your home. When your home becomes your childhood home or your parents house. As great as being able to take my bed is I'm not sure I want to.
There's been so much going on lately and even in the past year it's still hard to catch up with.
Only 4 years ago I was an introverted girl who wrote in her journal, didn't have any friends who were boys, and didn't have any close friends. Then I changed schools and I was different. Maybe more of myself than I had ever been. But this is wierd. It's all new and I probably say this alot but I don't want to grow up. Meanwhile, ever since I was 4 and would wander downstairs at 9pm only to find my parents having fun while I had to sleep I wished to be grown up. Now it's 1:22AM I'm tired, I want to go to bed.
I think what I'm struggling with right now is my independence. I really don't like depending on people, if you know me well enough you know that. I've learned to trust God. It took me awhile, we're not pretending I'm perfect but I'm pretty ok about it. But I'm going to have to depend on someone soonish, I don't know who or when but I will eventually, and I kinda don't want to. I don't mean like have soeone take care of me I think I mean emotionally but in a sense that may be worse.
I'm probably dreadfully prideful. I know I am, when I gained self confidence I gained alot. I feel like a confidence monster in a sense because after being dependent on one person for it and then being able to be confident on my own it's like I'm that blob that escapes from the lab to wreak havoc on the city.
Except God every now and then has the antidote that turns me back into that decent person who turns themself in to the police.
How's that for a secret blog?
But there was something nice about having a secret blog. I mean I have a journal but with the amount of time I spend online and on my computer this seems to work a little bit better. I used to have blogs that only certain people could read. It was good too, I could get everything I wanted to say out without having to say it which was conveniant. But you know what...if I need to say something I can't just indirectly tell them. This won't be a scavenger hunt for my thoughts.
That said...
I'm moving in a month exactly. I've lived far away from my parents in residence, at camp. I'm not living far away, but my mom said the other day that I could take my bed from home in Oakville. That means when I go home I won't be sleeping in MY bed. I'll sleep in the guest bedroom. It's that step that you go through when you become a guest in your home. When your home becomes your childhood home or your parents house. As great as being able to take my bed is I'm not sure I want to.
There's been so much going on lately and even in the past year it's still hard to catch up with.
Only 4 years ago I was an introverted girl who wrote in her journal, didn't have any friends who were boys, and didn't have any close friends. Then I changed schools and I was different. Maybe more of myself than I had ever been. But this is wierd. It's all new and I probably say this alot but I don't want to grow up. Meanwhile, ever since I was 4 and would wander downstairs at 9pm only to find my parents having fun while I had to sleep I wished to be grown up. Now it's 1:22AM I'm tired, I want to go to bed.
I think what I'm struggling with right now is my independence. I really don't like depending on people, if you know me well enough you know that. I've learned to trust God. It took me awhile, we're not pretending I'm perfect but I'm pretty ok about it. But I'm going to have to depend on someone soonish, I don't know who or when but I will eventually, and I kinda don't want to. I don't mean like have soeone take care of me I think I mean emotionally but in a sense that may be worse.
I'm probably dreadfully prideful. I know I am, when I gained self confidence I gained alot. I feel like a confidence monster in a sense because after being dependent on one person for it and then being able to be confident on my own it's like I'm that blob that escapes from the lab to wreak havoc on the city.
Except God every now and then has the antidote that turns me back into that decent person who turns themself in to the police.
How's that for a secret blog?
posted by Megs at 10:08 PM
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