Oh dear exams are stressful days in a row...couple that with moving, and starting a new job as soon as you're done you get an exhausted me waiting for a break which will come in a week in the form of a young WASP who is visiting from my past...last summer actually. But yes nonetheless stressed out of my mind.

I got a job today working at a salon. I'm terribly excited.

Maybe there are some things that don't have to change when you grow up...cause today I got frusterated with someone who shall remain nameless because I am an adult but you know what that may be true but it's difficult to be a grown up when the person you're interacting with acts like a baby.
When you are trying to reach out as an adult but they just sit there and do nothing what do you do as a grown up.
I decided I'm done being that grown up that just sits there and talks to the baby because ultimately tha baby doesn't understand. When that baby does we'll be adults, until then I guess it's just me.

Anyhow while I'm being all grown up I think I'll cook a full turkey dinner...




CHEERS TO THAT

Today after spending eight and a half hours in an emergency room I overheard a woman as she was being admitted as a patient tell the nurse her birthday "October 21 1929, and I hope to die here tonight."
It was the saddest thing I've ever heard.
I have never heard a voice filled with so much sadness yet heard it so matter of factly how she wished her life would end.
My life may not be perfect but I am so thankful that I have God's love and Will for my life. And I will pray tonight for that woman that she will live and truly understand what I felt at that moment for her. Not because I knew her or what she was going through, but that she is my sister, and my Father loves her more than she can imagine.

I got stuck in the couch today. I'm glad nobody came into the lounge, although I found the situation slightly comical it was also a tad pathetic.

This was a 'secret blog'. I say was because I gave Leslie the url for it, then Nyssa tells me she found it and added me...sneaky Nyssa.
But there was something nice about having a secret blog. I mean I have a journal but with the amount of time I spend online and on my computer this seems to work a little bit better. I used to have blogs that only certain people could read. It was good too, I could get everything I wanted to say out without having to say it which was conveniant. But you know what...if I need to say something I can't just indirectly tell them. This won't be a scavenger hunt for my thoughts.
That said...
I'm moving in a month exactly. I've lived far away from my parents in residence, at camp. I'm not living far away, but my mom said the other day that I could take my bed from home in Oakville. That means when I go home I won't be sleeping in MY bed. I'll sleep in the guest bedroom. It's that step that you go through when you become a guest in your home. When your home becomes your childhood home or your parents house. As great as being able to take my bed is I'm not sure I want to.
There's been so much going on lately and even in the past year it's still hard to catch up with.
Only 4 years ago I was an introverted girl who wrote in her journal, didn't have any friends who were boys, and didn't have any close friends. Then I changed schools and I was different. Maybe more of myself than I had ever been. But this is wierd. It's all new and I probably say this alot but I don't want to grow up. Meanwhile, ever since I was 4 and would wander downstairs at 9pm only to find my parents having fun while I had to sleep I wished to be grown up. Now it's 1:22AM I'm tired, I want to go to bed.
I think what I'm struggling with right now is my independence. I really don't like depending on people, if you know me well enough you know that. I've learned to trust God. It took me awhile, we're not pretending I'm perfect but I'm pretty ok about it. But I'm going to have to depend on someone soonish, I don't know who or when but I will eventually, and I kinda don't want to. I don't mean like have soeone take care of me I think I mean emotionally but in a sense that may be worse.
I'm probably dreadfully prideful. I know I am, when I gained self confidence I gained alot. I feel like a confidence monster in a sense because after being dependent on one person for it and then being able to be confident on my own it's like I'm that blob that escapes from the lab to wreak havoc on the city.
Except God every now and then has the antidote that turns me back into that decent person who turns themself in to the police.
How's that for a secret blog?

Well...the wierdest thing happened today as I sat rather boredly waiting for youth group to start after we set up all the board games. I sat at the scrabble table and pulled out squares one by one...the order went as follows GOD EASES YOKE...thinking about stuff in my life and reflecting on what the word yoke means; "an agency of oppression, subjection, servitude, etc..."
Leaves me smiling...